Every marriage faces many challenges and one of the first and worst ones is whether you will buy Tupperware.

I think Tupperware is a great choice … if you are UNAWARE of any alternatives.

Somehow, women everywhere are convinced it is a cut above anything else, like a Danish designed chair or German engineered car.

The latter may be an accurate analogy, it’s just that Tupperware has become the Kombi of kitchen hardware.

UNMICROWAVEABLE –
Some of their containers are not microwave friendly. What!? Why are Tupperware still making the kind of plastic that warps or leaches poison?
Just make the ones which I can zap in thirty seconds and eat it straight out off your opaque polymer plates.

UNRETURNABLE –
Lifetime Warranty? Pffft.
This is a very clever con because returning Tupperware is near impossible. Despite the 50s aura behind the brand’s success, Tupperware Ladies are not your best friends. They are peripheral friends at best and sometimes they’re complete strangers. Most likely, you’ve attended their parties out of guilt and the fear that no one else might turn up… but then you always end up buying three ‘little things’ and you leave $200 lighter.

Then, when all your marvelous Tupperware starts to crack you must now find and catch up with this “friend” who is now an acquaintance you haven’t seen in twelve months – and it’s only to return their junk. Awkward.

STACKABLE –
Geometry isn’t that hard, is it? We all made a tessellation in art class, didn’t we? Tupperware designers, space is at a premium. Some people only get one shelf in their share-house fridge!
Our cupboard is full of crooked Tupperware towers of blue sandwich containers and flattened bowls that no longer expand like they used to. Why can Decor and those blue clip-it containers – which are made by Kiwis you know, KIWIS! – manage to make everything stackable yet hifalutin Tupperware is often oddly shaped and is often unstackable regardless of whether it is empty or full .

LOSABLE –
We once bought those nifty little containers for about $10 each.They were supposed to store the unused portions of onion or lemon you lose in the fridge. Instead, we lost the containers.

EXPENSIVE –
Not just pricey, this stuff is exorbitant. If Tupperware was in a shop you’d just laugh and walk by. It’s moulded plastic, people. The only comparable product I can think of is those Kitchenmaid mixmasters that charge $800 when everyone else’s model is about $400. But at least they include heavy metal and mechanics.
The most complicated that Tupperware gets is a twin air-vent system to give my needy veges enough oxygen (don’t give them too much – they’ll explode! WTF?)

BREAKABLE –
So they say. Bollocks. I have proof.

Let’s leave Tupperware where it still is… in the fifties.